


Kintsugi

by ButterflyBunny



Series: Avengers' Infinite Playlist [21]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Healing, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, My Civil War Fix-it, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romance, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:39:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBunny/pseuds/ButterflyBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They ripped each other apart. Then managed to pick up the pieces. All that’s left is put them together and they’ll have something beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kintsugi

**Author's Note:**

> The events here take place three months after "[The Magician](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7193291)".

_[(Light – Sleeping At Last)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNoMeKCn0x4) _

 

“No need for all that Steve” Tony says as Steve enters the room.

Steve nods softly, looking around the motel room. For some reason Tony had insisted they met in Midtown manhattan - which was fine by him since he had moved back recently, not far from where they were actually, but he didn’t tell Tony that – outside there was a lot of people and the streets were noisy. It was hot as hell too, thankfully the small motel room had a working air conditioning, outside there was a lot of people and the streets were noisy. 

He wonders if that’s why they call it Hell’s Kitchen.

“We could have met somewhere else” Steve says, taking his cap and sunglasses off, he sits in the small coffee table in the corner of the room.

“I have business close so…” Tony says sitting across form him.

Tony sees how Steve tenses to that and he slides his hand over the table, reaching for Steve’s. He’s glad when Steve accepts it with a small relieved sigh. His new lawyer friend, an annoying thing called Franklin Nelson, was going to meet him later that night at a near by bar and Tony thought it was good to meet with Steve too, two birds with one stone and all that. At least that’s what he would tell Steve in case he asked. When he doesn’t Tony licks his lips, retrieving his hand.

There isn't much to talk really. They had already spoken over the phone several times. About T'Challa offering Steve and the others his help, Steve breaking the Avengers out of the raft, Rhodey and Vision... And about the accords. Apparently there had been plenty of changes in them, so Steve told him about Wanda going back to the Compound. That had taken Tony by surprise.

He talked to Wanda more than he talked to any of the others. Sam included since they had taken separate ways a few weeks prior, Natasha hadn't called again. One day, Wanda told him about hearing something about the accords in the news, how they were being changed. In that moment he knew she was considering signing them, and he also knew that Tony would be happy to hear that.

“I was glad- I mean, when I called you…” Tony trails off, scratching his beard, “I’m happy you are here” he stands and walks around the room, “With me” he adds.

Steve nods, “Me too” 

"I have arranged everything for Wanda..." Tony says quietly, "Whenever she is ready to go ho- to the compound"

"She'll be happy to be able to go back home" Steve nods softly.

Tony looks at Steve and then licks his lips, "I wanted to talk to you about what I said on the phone the other day too” he says, “About the lawyer who is helping… your friend?”

Steve stares at him for a few seconds and then nods softly, Tony had mention he wanted to talk about that in person. He knows the whole Bucky subject was going to be really hard to talk about for a while, but time was all they had now and time was all he was going to give Tony if that’s what he needed. He wanted to say that but the words couldn’t leave his mouth. He got lost in Tony’s mouth instead, his chapped lips that he licked several times while he talked about some lawyer, his eyes, that stole glances of Steve while walked around the room.

“You want room service?” He asks all of sudden, “really bad coffee? A suspicious looking sandwich?”

Steve shakes his head, rubbing his palms against his jeans, “I’m fine”

They stay quiet for a while, until Tony leans against the table, looking outside the window. He thought Steve was going to tell him to stay away from the windows, but the blond remains quiet, so he looks outside a few more seconds. When he looks back, there is a thick yellow folder in the small wooden table, and Tony slides it towards him as he sits again. Is heavy too, is what he thinks when he picks it up and places it in his lap, proceeding to pretend reading – and then to undestand it. 

“So, about two months ago I received a package from this lawyer who says he can help” He says, “I didn’t know who was but… He sounded like he knew his deal” He shrugs, “Anyways I met him a few times and he… He wasn’t lying” Steve closes the folder and nods, “I’m meeting him later too, so if you want to ask something…” He trails off

Steve nods again and stays quiet, “Is it safe?” he asks a few seconds later.

“It is” Tony says, “I send someone to check”

It’s true. He had sent Peter, well, Spiderman to check on Nelson & Murdock. Turns out it was a small lawfirm based in Hell’s Kitchen. He didn’t know who Murdock was, but Nelson was more than glad to talk to him and answer all his questions.

“How did you find him?”

“He found me, actually”

Steve frowns, “How?” 

“I don’t know Steve, but he’s the only one willing to help-” Tony sights heavily, he rubs his eyes sitting on the bed.

Steve stares at him for a while, “Thank you, Tony”

Tony looks at him, and his eyes crinkle a little bit when he smiles at Steve. He smiles because of the way Steve looks at him like he’s still the hero Tony used to think he was. But then he remembers he is not Ironman anymore, Steve’s not Captain America, that Steve was never anything or anyone else than Steve Rogers when he was with Tony, he never pretended to be more or to want more from Tony either. 

He scratches his beard and then says.

“I didn’t do anything really”

Steve looks at him, “Still” He whispers, “Are sure is safe for you to meet him tonight?” 

Tony chuckles at that and Steve is glad he looks relaxed about it.

“I have your number” He says, “if things go bad…” 

Steve smiles softly, looking at his hands and offering a nod to the older man. he wants to say something else, that he missed Tony, that he wants to hold him and kiss him because he never stopped wanting that. he stares at Tony for a while. He knows how he looks like, he’s lost weight (surprisingly) he hasn’t sleep well in weeks and his clothes are wrinkled and worn, but Tony… Tony looks great. He swallows thickly and is about to give some excuse to leave when Tony speaks instead.

“I missed you, Steve” Tony says. 

There’s no point in acting like they met just to talk about _Bucky_. Tony missed Steve, he had spent enough time being angry about what happened, and Steve looked like he wanted to say the same thing since he entered the room. 

“and I missed you, Tony” Steve says, “I was happy when you called me to me, too”

That takes a lot of pressure off them. Tony tells Steve that he had been looking for Bruce, Steve tells him that he had lived with Sam for the past months but they went separate ways, about Natasha's call a few weeks later but he doesn’t know where she is. Tony understands that even if Steve knew he wouldn’t tell him, and he’s fine with that.

“Natasha will be fine” Tony says, “She... Is better off alone” 

Steve doesn’t answer, because he isn’t sure if he agrees. 

“Can I kiss you, Tony?” Steve asks all of sudden, “I- Sorry, that was weird, Not weird but… rushed? I don’t know, I mean- I didn’t just came here to say that, there is so much more that I wanted to say and I think I just ruined it with-“ 

He is silenced by Tony’s lips against his’. Is a soft kiss, and is gone as soon as it came, but Steve refuses to let go of Tony. He stands up following Tony’s lips and pulls him into a deeper kiss, Tony gasps against his lips and pulls him closer, fisting his shirt. He turns and pushes Steve softly and Steve’s hands find their way to his hips, squeezing when the back of his knees hit the bed.

Tony then pulls away and he looks down at Steve, his hands on the blond’s shoulder keeping him balanced. Steve knows Tony is thinking about moving away when he looks at him in the eyes, he starts shutting him out again so he hugs his waist, forehead against Tony’s abdomen. He refuses to let go of Tony this time. But he also refuses to cry, he did plenty of that, he punished himself enough and he hopes Tony understands that.

The embrace is so intimate Tony feels overwhelmed all of sudden, Steve is holding him firmly enough to tell him to stay, yet his arms don’t squeeze so he can push him away if he wants. He moves one hand from Steve’s shoulder to his head, running his fingers through the blond hair, enjoying how soft it is. He can almost hear Steve’s silent prayer for forgiveness. So Tony cups Steve’s face and makes him look at him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry” Steve says.

Tony nods, his thumb caressing his cheek, “Don’t worry about that now” 

“I am, I-"

Tony kisses him. 

“Steve” Tony says, “I don’t- I don’t want to talk about that now”

He thumbs Steve’s lips and the blond can smell his cologne, his breath that smells and tastes like mint and coffee. Tony finally sits next to him, close enough so he can feel his warmth on his side, their knees bumping together as he reaches for his hand once again. It feels warm, a little sweaty but warm, it feel like comfort… it feels like forgiveness.

“Do you…” Tony starts, “Do you have to go?”

Steve looks at him, “I can stay" 

And Tony’s eyes smile. 

They lay on the bed in silence and his eyelids get heavy all of sudden, like the lack of rest all those weeks finally caught up with him. Steve is warm against him breathing slowly.

He opens his mouth and speaks, his voice silky smooth.

“I feel like I can breath again” 

When he finally looks at Steve, the blond’s blue eyes are focused on his’. He smiles softly at him, as if he understood what Tony just said, and maybe he did. It was Steve, after all, his Steve.

“I’m tired” He hears himself say, eyelids feeling heavy.

Tired of being angry, and scared and alone.

Steve nods, and he realises he understands him because he’s feeling the same way.

 

* * *

 

Steve lays on his back for a few minutes, looking into the shadows casted on the ceiling unable to sleep. Perhaps the dopamine in his bloodstream, maybe the fact that he missed having Tony’s warmth against his body. The older man stirs next to him and rolls until his face bumps against Steve’s shoulder, eyes still closed he smiles softly, like he realises it wasn’t a dream. The blond notices how tired Tony looks, even after having slept a couple of hours, and he feels a stab of guilt again. 

“Stop that” Tony mutters. 

“Did I wake you?” Steve asks softly.

Tony opens one eye and raises an eyebrow, “You were thinking so loudly”

Steve chuckles and then falls quiet again. Tony knows he’s feeling guilty again, and he feels bad because what happened was his fault too and Steve refuses to accept that. He sighs and moves closer to the man, who hugs his waist when Tony hides his face in the crook of his neck. God, he missed him.

“Stop it, Steve, please”

Steve’s hand is splayed on his side, he can feel the warmth through his shirt.

“I love you” Steve says finally.

There was a time when Tony would have believe that from anyone. When he was a child, touch-starved, love famished, but he convinced himself that those things didn’t exist. Steve entered his life, got under his skin and filled the hole in his heart before he had the time to realise what was happening, it hit him like a freight train, and just when he had started to accept that he could loved, that he could be loved, it was gone.

Steve was gone.

He had left, slipped between his fingers like water, disappeared into thin air as if by magic. Steve Rogers, _the magician_. That left Tony back in that dark place he had been for ages before he met him, afraid of love, thinking it was not possible for someone like him and Tony realised that having someone you love leave was so much worse than not having anyone at all. It was like breathing for the first time and then being denied of it for the rest of his life.

“You cut me in half… and then pull me back together again” He whispers.

He opens his eyes finally, and finds Steve’s blue eyes looking into his’. There is fear in his eyes, fear of rejection perhaps, and he wants to laugh because that is the last thing he would do to Steve. There is only one thing missing in Steve’s eyes. Doubt. Doubt that he loves Tony and that is the only thing that Tony cares about now. Because right now in this moment, when there is only them in the world, when he is still naked under the sheets and Steve is bearing all of him in more ways than one, there isn’t doubt in his heart that he loves Steve back. Steve, who begged for his forgiveness without asking for Tony to do the same afterwards, Steve who managed to put him back together again the way he cut him in half. 

 _His torturer became his remedy_.

“Tony” 

Tony moves to cup Steve’s face with one hand, resting his weight in one elbow. Steve looks up at him, praying that whatever Tony is about to say, doesn’t break his heart. 

“I love... _Love_ , love you, Steve”

Steve blinks and Tony cups his face before capturing the blond’s lips in a passionate kiss. He pulls back and nuzzles his cheek, kisses his nose and then his lips again, and again and again, until they are both out of breath. Tony smiles widely when he sees Steve’s blushed cheeks. He squeezes Steve’s hip softly and kisses his cheek, moving down to his neck.

"How I've missed you, my love" Tony whispers.

They stay quiet after that, Tony continues supplying slow caresses and Steve traces the lines of his back. He wants to feel more, to touch him, but his eyes fall on the clock and Steve follows his gaze.

“It’s almost nine” He says.

The older man groans, “Yeah” 

“Your friend…”

Tony raises an eyebrow, “That was just me trying to look unavailable?”

Steve takes a few seconds and then laughs wholeheartedly, Tony chuckles with him and then his phone rings. He reaches for it and realises is his new lawyer friend. That guy had terrible timing, seriously.

Steve seems to be ready to go when he finishes texting Franklin back, also Peter, who had left three messages about Opal, he types a quick reply and makes a face when the kid sends him a frowny face, a cat and for some reason the one something that looks like… Chocolate yogurt. 

“Everything alright?” Steve asks.

Tony nods, throwing the phone in the bed, “Peter keeps sending this hieroglyphs I don’t understand”

“Sam uses those ‘ironically’ he says” Steve makes air quotes and Tony chuckles, “Who’s Peter?”

Tony blinks and then he remembers Steve doesn’t know about Peter Parker or his Spiderman secret. He wants to tell him but he thinks that is more Peter’s secret to reveal. 

“He- um- He got a scholarship” He stammers, “Works for me, kinda” Steve nods, “Kid’s a genius” 

Steve smiles, “Oh”

Tony pulls him into a soft kiss, “I missed you, Steve”

Steve nods and kisses him again. Steve’s phone chimes and Tony groans against his lips, the blond simply chuckles and Tony sighs moving away. He moves to the mirror to fix his tie and sees Steve typing something on his phone. Even though the scene is familiar he can’t help but think about how are they going to tell their friends about… Them. Because he wants to, but Tony realises that he had always made things like that with Steve, always rushed. When they first met, when they first kissed, when they first fucked. But Steve managed, everytime, to slow things down for him, stop time so he could absorb everything. Like he was savouring the moment.

Steve sees Tony still for a few seconds and he knows he’s thinking about something important. Maybe their friends, and that’s exactly what Steve is thinking about. He sighs to himself when Tony realises he’s watching him and then turns to him. Steve straightens in the bed and smiles at Tony, his Tony, who walks towards him and sits next to him, holding his hand.

“I know, Tony” Steve says.

Tony breaths, “Is not like I want to hide or-“

Steve nods, not mentioning the fact that he's the one hiding, “Let’s just… take our time”

“Boy, you know me so well” 

“Maybe… Um- We could meet again? Soon, I mean” Steve stammers, blushing slightly, “Unless you are too-" 

“Yeah, yeah, yes, Steve” Tony nods, “We could go some place quiet, like you like”

Steve smiles.

Before they part ways Tony gives Steve a new phone. And before Tony gets into his car he receives the first message.

_Since the first day I saw you I have hardly enjoyed one day of perfect quiet._

 To Tony that’s a good start. A good second start.

_“I will soften every edge, I’ll hold the world to its best, and I’ll do better… With every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath… I will rearrange the stars, pull ‘em down to where you are…. I promise, I’ll do better.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part of the series where the events of Civil War are mentioned like they happened in the movie.


End file.
